Sometimes I wonder about myself.
I mean, I think about myself almost 24/7, but sometimes I float out and have a look at myself from the outside.
This morning I saw a lizard.
I have concluded this morning that along the evolutionary scheme of things, when it comes to eating….I’m not very far along.
*nb none of the following reflects on my upbringing. trust me…i’ve been taught to know better.
I maintain that I’m book smart.. life smart…not so much.
This mornings approach to eggs proved this to me.
Not only did I have to google how long to cook eggs for (because I didn’t steal the egg timer from mammas && cbf searching through the nest for someone elses)
But I decided to make soft boiled eggs (the best way to have eggs) without owning egg cups to consume them from (probably another thing I should have borrowed from mum)
Nevertheless, I got myself out a plate, as if in some deluded fantasy I might be able to eat my pre-bed snack in some sort of civilized way.
For those of you who are lucky enough to have never been in the kitchen with me at breakfast//egg time…I feel I need to point out my approach to cracking the shells.
Instead of daintily tapping at the shell with a knife, I’m a smasher.
By smasher I mean I will drop//throw the egg repeatedly on the kitchen counter until the shell is so shattered that it just comes right off.
For some reason it didn’t register that the insides would be all gooey and I wouldn’t be able to transfer the delicious insides onto my plate and eat them with a spoon in a humanlike fashion.
Instead after several smashes I realised that the eggs were quite gooey delicious, but also completely impractical.
So in a lizard like fashion I licked and sucked out the inners, leaving behind the shells on the paper towels I’d laid down to save the kitchen.
It was halfway through the second egg, as I was drinking the insides, the thought popped into my head… what would my housemate think If she woke up and walked into the kitchen to find me with my tongue in an egg with shells scattered around me..what must I look like.
Perhaps even a Raptor
Not a lady.
On the upside…the kitchen doesn’t look like its been raided by a starving reptile.
So its not all bad…